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“I don’t know how to describe what I do, I don’t have enough spoons to network, I don’t want to bother people.”
Navigating social interactions and communication can be challenging for neurodivergent individuals, but there are strategies to make it more manageable. Let’s explore some tips for networking, small talk, informational interviews, and maintaining your energy:
Networking and Small Talk:
Practice Spontaneous Conversations:
- Prepare by practicing engaging with strangers or discussing topics of interest with friends.
- Ask questions about how you can help the other person rather than focusing on your own needs.
- Listen to their answer to your question, and ask another question based on the answer, don’t just run through a list of pre-prepared questions. Even if you only say “Ooh, tell me more about that”
Tell Punchy Stories:
- Share relevant stories that illustrate your strengths and problem-solving abilities if possible.
- Try to self-monitor to notice if you are being very waffly or repetitious and if you are going down rabbit holes of detail. It’s hard for other people to follow you generally.
- Seek feedback during storytelling to ensure relevance. You can say – “Do you know what I mean?” or “Has that ever happened to you?” “Do you know anyone like that?”
Embrace Your Authentic Self:
- Be yourself; celebrate your uniqueness.
- You might be used to masking heavily – some people will detect if you are not being genuine, so try to relax a little and know your true self is allowed here.
- Recognise your value and what you bring to the table. You know stuff. You might have something to share or sell? You might want to change people’s minds, or inspire them or persuade them.
Informational Interviews:
Be Proactive:
- In initial screening calls, mention your neurodivergence and inquire about accommodations.
- Ask for any planned questions in advance.
- Ask about the venue, room, environment, dress-code, expectations if they have not been made clear.
- Include information about your accommodations in your cover letter or resume.
Be Clear and Specific:
- Clearly express your accommodation needs, and if you are trying something new, suggest a trial period e.g. one month to test it, and then review it.
- Specify requirements such as extra time, a quiet workspace, or noise-cancelling headphones.
Protecting Your Energy:
Know Your Limits:
- Understand when social interactions become draining. Maybe set a limit for yourself of 1 hour to start with so you can ensure you don’t feel drained or over-stimulated.
- Prioritise self-care and rest. Especially if you are at an all-day event – take the next day off. Plan it into your schedule. If I go to a 3 day conf I get two full days off afterwards or I’m useless to anyone.
- Take snacks or drinks you like so you know you can nourish yourself in a way you know will work. It also means if the food and drink offered are not to your fancy, you won’t go hungry or thirsty.
Choose Your Battles:
- Engage in one-on-one or small group interactions so you control the energy, and sensory levels. It will be less tiring.
- Find environments where you can take breaks and recharge. Quiet rooms, a lobby – even popping back to your car for a few minutes to recharge and centre yourself.
- If it looks like something is going to turn into an argument, just back off, you will always come out looking bad if you are in a public argument regardless if you are right or wrong. You can just say “That’s an interesting view, perhaps that’s a discussion for another day….. Can I get you a drink?”
Avoid Alcohol as a Coping Mechanism:
- Embrace your natural communication style without relying on alcohol.
- It’s okay to be a bit quieter than others.
- It’s okay to be excited and enthusiastic and chatty.
- It’s okay to be the real you – everyone is nervous at these events, some are just better at hiding it than others.
Overcoming Feeling of Bothering Others:
Self-Awareness and Trust Your Instincts:
- Recognise patterns in interactions.
- You are an interesting person.
- You have as much right to take up space as anyone else in the room.
- Trust your gut instincts.
- Lead with kindness and respectfulness and you won’t go wrong.
Seek Healthy Coping Mechanisms:
- Find ways to cope without relying on substances.
- Have a routine you follow to help you stay on track e.g. arrive early, when you arrive, grab a drink, find a seat you will be comfortable in and put your coat or bag on the chair.
- Have a plan – I want to speak to 5 new people today and find out what they do, who they are connected to and whether we could work together on anything. Seek to. Gather info instead of telling everyone what you do first. People will act more warmly towards you and will be more welcoming if you appear more charismatic – charismatic people listen more than they speak.
Taking Turns in Conversation and Active Listening:
Be prepared to explain what you do succinctly:
- Practice a sixty second pitch explaining what problem you solve and in which industry
- Finish this sentence “I work with organisations/people who want to……” this is your foundational phrase – something you can say in 10 seconds.
- e.g.”I work with organisations who want to attract and retain Neurodivergent Talent.”
Use Visual Aids:
- Visual cues can help you remember important points.
- Don’t just wait for them to take a breath before you leap in.
- Practice actually being interested in what they say.
- Watch out for info-dumping or dominating the conversation.
- You can ask questions but don’t interrogate
Remember APPLE:
- Ask to join conversations.
- Pay attention to physical proximity and volume.
- Participate actively.
Remembering Information:
Use Mnemonics or Visual Associations:
Create mental hooks to remember details. E.g. the lady with the cat-eye glasses and red hair in a bun is Sam Warner – Neurodivergent communication specialist (because many ND people dye their hair and express themselves visually through clothing or styling.)
Take Notes:
- Jot down key points after conversations.
- Great for appearing to be charismatic (which is a learned skill) if you can remember details. Most people love it if you can remember names, pet names, children or spouses, or if they have told you about something bit going on in their lives. If you see them again and mention it, they will feel respected because you remembered. It doesn’t matter that you needed to write it down. You have made an effort to remember it, that’s what counts.
- Use a recording device for audio or pictures or video
Reflect and Review:
Regularly revisit information to reinforce memory. Repetition is the name of the game.
Remember, you are unique, and your communication style has value.
Celebrate who you are and find ways to connect authentically.