Autistic Coping Mechanisms (3-part blog)

There are things in life that are rarely taught or talked about, and for neurotypical people it seems they were just born with this knowledge. For those on the Autistic Spectrum (ASD) becoming self-aware, acquiring coping mechanisms and giving yourself thinking time to cope with situations that may arise means you can be less confused and feel more confident.

Remember that your perception of the world is a little different, it just means that your brain works differently. Not everyone works in black and white (all or nothing) most work in greys so it can be harder for them to empathise and understand if you appear to be obsessed or single-minded about something.

Some books offer guidance, but I’ve created my own brief list for those who don’t want to read a book.

Here are some more tips to cope in society when you are Autistic

General Rules –

Some rules are rigid and some rules are flexible. It’s very useful to ask clarifying questions to find which are which. Understand that many people say they will do things but then don’t follow through. They mean it when they say it, they are not lying but many people suffer from procrastination or try to please others by saying yes all the time even if they don’t have the capacity to fit it in. It’s our gift to be understanding and tolerant, and help others reach their goals by being supportive, not critical. We should never judge others by our own standards as there are rarely the same.

Jobs and Interviews –

Body Language & Appearance

Body language and the way you dress is very important in interviews. Getting advice from a trusted friend can help you avoid problems you don’t need to face and make coping with autistic life in a professional setting easier.

You can still show your personality and style, but it’s usually better to wait until you’ve secured the job if you are a little avant-garde or eccentric (both great attributes, but not usual for neurotypicals).

Rehearsal & Anticipation

Try rehearsing with a trusted friend through a little role play. Anticipate the questions they might ask so you don’t get caught off guard. Common questions include: “Where do you see yourself in 5 years?” or “Tell me about a time when you overcame a problem or confrontation.” Practising like this is part of coping with autistic life in interviews.

Company Research & Communication

Do some research on the company, but avoid coming across as a know-it-all. Another common question is “Tell me about yourself.” This can be confusing if you’ve already sent your CV or application, but they want to hear a summary in your own words to see how you communicate.

If they ask about your hobbies, give a brief overview unless they probe further.

“Only 15% of all Adults diagnosed with Autism are in work!”

Challenges in Certain Jobs

Some jobs may be more difficult if you have ASD, particularly those requiring a lot of public interaction, assumptions about human behaviour, or intuition. Knowing how to prepare and respond is a key part of coping with autistic life in the workplace.

You could ring them before the interview if you felt comfortable speaking to them on the phone to let them know you process info a little differently to the general public and you’d like some more direct questions in the interview to help you relax and be yourself.  They will get more out of it too, so it’s in their best interests, and if they are not willing to adapt, then chances are they will not make any allowances in the job either – so do you really want to work for them?

When you are in your job you can find out who you can trust and what the rules are, what can be flexible, and how the “game” is played so that you are not at a disadvantage. One of the best things you could do is interview everyone you work with to find out how you will be working with them, what their expectations of you are and so you can tell them how you like to work too.

Reading Yourself and Others

Education –

Bragging and showing off are unattractive and should be avoided where possible. Be assured that in a conversation where you are knowledgeable about the subject – it will come across quite clearly without you having to prove it, or demonstrate it. There are times and places where showing off your knowledge is fine (perhaps at a club of like-minded enthusiasts comparing collections or information). It might be that you are not very good at getting high grades in tests and exams – don’t be put off. Not being able to follow a set way of sharing information doesn’t mean you lack knowledge or skill. It is usual that those with ASD have more acute problem solving skills, blue sky and detail vision and the ability to focus like no-one else. Try not to compare yourself with others and celebrate your strengths, whatever they are for you.

“Most people don’t understand Autism at all – you have to help them understand sometimes”

Social Rules –

Its important to keep yourself clean and tidy in order to make it easier for others to stand near you and listen to us and talk to you. If you think people are avoiding you, perhaps check to make sure you have any body odour under control, or you don’t have bad breath or smelly feet. Often people will not tell you about this unless you ask them directly. If they do respond to you confirming it, then the appropriate response is to thank them (not get defensive or have a meltdown) and then do something about it.

Humour and Conflict –

Part 1

An autistic person’s sense of humour is often about things which suggest silliness, ridiculousness, or appear unpredictable. You might find yourself the butt of neurotypical jokes because they don’t know how to handle someone who is different and struggle with their own insecurities. Humour in humans sometimes replaces violence that animals would normally display. If a joke aimed at you is not too harsh, it may be a good idea to laugh at yourself.

Part 2

If a joke or some sarcasm aimed at you is too harsh, you can respond with questions such as, “What do you mean by that?”, “Why did you say that?”, “What’s that supposed to mean?”, or “That’s not very nice.” Use your discretion to choose a suitable answer; putting someone else on the spot can be an effective defence.

Part 3

When a joke or sarcasm is downright hurtful, use this as a last resort: calmly say that you found the joke hurtful and ask if it was intended to be so. When the other person says ‘can’t you take a joke’ or behaves in another dismissive way, calmly ask again if they meant to be hurtful. If they answer ‘no’, you have what you needed. Should they answer ‘yes’, calmly walk away and make it clear that future interactions will be difficult until they apologise of their own accord. You will have given a clear message that attempts to make themselves feel good at your expense are noted and will not be tolerated, all while keeping your dignity intact.

Getting your message across –

Self-awareness and self-improvement are the keys to unlocking coping techniques that work. Personal development is a very useful way to tap into your strengths and weaknesses (we all have them) and work on the things we’d like to improve upon. Get Your Message Across can help you do this, building your arsenal of skills for life.

“Remember to read Tips for Coping with Autistic Life #1 too, #3